just chanced upon this HCJC senior's blog...who should be waiting for A's now i guess and well, let me just say she went thru the exact same thing i'm facing now.
honestly, i'm a loner in my OG now. i feel horrible. emo. unwanted. it's like i try to initiate conversations but damn, they never last far. and yep, the ny girls' do clique together, though theres others that actually managed to blend in so freaking well IDK HOW. yesterday was just pretty okay, albeit better than thu mainly cause it was because of games, but when it came to OG dinner, let's just say...i was pretty much invisible. thank god for free wifi at the restaurant if not i would have left even before the food came. this is not to say that the others are arrogant or what, in actual fact they're really pretty nice, it just seems like you would want to stick to your close friends more right? of course. i really feel pretty sad ):
and well, xiah told me that this was "the price you have to pay for going to a top school". idk, but i'll rather much transfer out than to spend the next 2 years of my life with no friends. you know, everyone in crescent looks like they're going on pretty fine, the grass at those non-IP jcs i guess looks greener~
and not to mention the academic stress, well, it seems like everyone here's a friggin big brainer and with all the perfect scores(i mean like 7/8+A1s) its like i gotta put in the effort i put in for O's every freaking single day.

really, i wish time could go back, i wanna go back to crescent <3 i didnt even have so much trouble in sec1 THANKS BEAVER DEB! <3 and that 4 years was certainly a blast! no matter what though, time will NEVER rewind, so all i've got to do is give all my best and hope for the better. and thanks vanvanessa~ for the encouragement "nothing in life is easy, you just have to be positive and believe in yourself". really, i'd give anything to go back but heck, its time to face it and move on right?

ps, i didnt talk about the guys right HAHA, well no one's exactly you know, stood out so far LOLz. thye're pretty nice. but i feel awkward talking to them man...idg how the girls do it they're like blabbering away with them -.- so tomorrow is the day...well, start of JC life and a new chapter.
im nervous, worried, excited...oh throw in everything.
i'd like give anything to go back to crescent again...but then well, it wont happen.
its time to move on.

HCI HERE I COME~ Because sometimes, life isn't about getting everything you've always wanted.
Sometimes, life really doesn't work out like all you had hoped for, all you had wished for, and all you had wanted.
Sometimes, life isn't exactly about the reputation, fame, name or whatsoever.
Sometimes, life doesn't have to filled with heck loads of money.
Sometimes, life isn't just about living the dream and firing ahead with all that passion.
Sometimes, life isn't about conforming to everyones expectations of you and society's rules.
Sometimes, life isn't about being realistic.
Sometimes, life isn't just all about fun.
Sometimes, life isn't also all about negativeness. Neither positiveness.
It's just, anytime, anywhere, any place, any situation, any people. People are DIFFERENT. No ones ever the same. I'm just tired of people going around splashing out their opinions and forcing them on others, or acting like they know it all. This is NOT targeted at anyone I know. It's just because there are quite a lot of people in the world who are like that. actually, just ignore the previous.
my head was throbbing so much(it still is) and i was overly emo :/
okay la, seriously, i AM happy with what i got.
just that it's probably not good enough to get it yet, IDK...but i'll try.

i'll try.
'cause i think its actually time to step up the game, probably push myself beyond what i can do; sometimes, "you have to be who you are not in order to discover yourself." While it lasted, yes, undeniably I was ecstatic.
While it lasted, I felt like I could jump over the moon.
And while it lasted, yes, it was a beautiful dream, a perfect moment.

But I learnt that maybe even happiness comes with a price. You know the feeling, when you've done your best, you've got the best, but there was another option, called possibly better. Just a little more. The feeling when you actually did your best, but you were just short of a little more, just a little more. Honestly, I'm really confused, I'm really torn apart, I dont know what to do with the future. Nothing seems right now. And I know, a part of me is yelling at me to shut up cause this is actually much more than what I had wanted, that I should just be happy, smiling and contented. I know. Doing pretty well and yet bawling is just stupid. But if you're not me, you won't know how I'm dying inside. The other part of me is well, confused and sometimes I would just rather rewind back and go through everything again. At least I didn't have to face this then. At least those times were stressfully-happier.
To take a giant step forward with so many uncertainties, and inevitably something that I will need to give up, risking that I'll fall behind and can't breathe, yet bask in the so-called name and prestige and possibly, that I'll actually succeed aka a small fish in a big pond OR actually take a comfortable step, keep in pace with everything but the chances are now slimed. I don't want to call this a big fish in a small pond cause it ain't that small, lets just say it's a medium fish in a medium pond.
Sometimes I actually wished that I fell back a little and didn't do so well because then, I wouldn't even have such a dilemma. (which reminds me omg, psle selection was nowhere near this).
At the end of the day, it's like your best is just not enough. And if I do take that step, this may well just become my everyday life. Sad but heck, I think I need to challenge something and grow up. Okay, here comes the one-night-before-jitters(as well as rantings)

Honestly. I dreamt of a 6. That was before it all started. But as it went on, my confidence just went down, down...okay maybe not, let's just say it fluctuated.
So now here's the time to come back to this number after all the pain, joy, innocence for the past weeks.
Because its not like after tomorrow, you can pretend like you don't know it at all.
Face it. Its tomorrow; and this is everything I want to say, right before it comes, right before I forget this feeling.

Now, 6 is just a dream. I'm not being pessimistic or what. It's more like facing up to reality. Beautiful number, beautiful dream; it was beautiful while it lasted. To be really honest, I don't want to expect too much. I'm going for a 8.
Okay seriously honest here. If I'm really lucky -> 7 -> I'll go mad with joy, not kidding. If everything goes smoothly as expected -> 8 -> I'll probably just be relieved, but a little of those regrets( YOU KNOW ME -.-) minor hiccup -> 9+ -> I'll cry seriously.
Let's just say...rewind. Chinese I was like, slack to max.( which reminds me. HCL ain't gonna be good. ILL JUST BE HAPPY WITH B) and then okay...honestly I wanted a A1. The feeling when everyone around you is celebrating and you're there crushed, alone; hurts. It was painful. It probably IS still painful. I don't want that ever again. I did try to push myself with this; IDK if it worked. We'll see tomorrow.
And another thing i wanna say is, tmr is probably the last time I'm wearing the sch U as a real crescentian. It's that last time to feel that feeling. 'cause even if I wear it afterwards(like to JC) I know it'll feel TOTALLY different. Crescent was an awesome place, it still is. It wasn't actually where I was "meant" to be, but I never ever regretted it. It's a place with superb beautiful memories no matter what. So really I'm sad to leave, to be truthful I'm apprehensive about JC D: So tomorrow, that last chance, that last feeling.

Maybe I'm just deceiving myself, but I didn't want to expect so much. I didn't want to get my hopes so high up. i didn't want to believe that that dream was maybe, just possible. I didn't want to do so, because I'm afraid. I'm afraid the fall will hurt, hurt so, so much. I just don't want to be disappointed again.
. !

ELENA :D Elenavunsheenhui(:
1C3'07 2C3'08 3C3'09 4C3'10
11S70!
zerofouronetwo.
still loving crescentchinese&moderndance
HCI MAD MODERN!

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just chanced upon this HCJC senior's blog...who should be waiting for A's now i guess and well, let me just say she went thru the exact same thing i'm facing now.
honestly, i'm a loner in my OG now. i feel horrible. emo. unwanted. it's like i try to initiate conversations but damn, they never last far. and yep, the ny girls' do clique together, though theres others that actually managed to blend in so freaking well IDK HOW. yesterday was just pretty okay, albeit better than thu mainly cause it was because of games, but when it came to OG dinner, let's just say...i was pretty much invisible. thank god for free wifi at the restaurant if not i would have left even before the food came. this is not to say that the others are arrogant or what, in actual fact they're really pretty nice, it just seems like you would want to stick to your close friends more right? of course. i really feel pretty sad ):
and well, xiah told me that this was "the price you have to pay for going to a top school". idk, but i'll rather much transfer out than to spend the next 2 years of my life with no friends. you know, everyone in crescent looks like they're going on pretty fine, the grass at those non-IP jcs i guess looks greener~
and not to mention the academic stress, well, it seems like everyone here's a friggin big brainer and with all the perfect scores(i mean like 7/8+A1s) its like i gotta put in the effort i put in for O's every freaking single day.

really, i wish time could go back, i wanna go back to crescent <3 i didnt even have so much trouble in sec1 THANKS BEAVER DEB! <3 and that 4 years was certainly a blast! no matter what though, time will NEVER rewind, so all i've got to do is give all my best and hope for the better. and thanks vanvanessa~ for the encouragement "nothing in life is easy, you just have to be positive and believe in yourself". really, i'd give anything to go back but heck, its time to face it and move on right?

ps, i didnt talk about the guys right HAHA, well no one's exactly you know, stood out so far LOLz. thye're pretty nice. but i feel awkward talking to them man...idg how the girls do it they're like blabbering away with them -.- so tomorrow is the day...well, start of JC life and a new chapter.
im nervous, worried, excited...oh throw in everything.
i'd like give anything to go back to crescent again...but then well, it wont happen.
its time to move on.

HCI HERE I COME~ Because sometimes, life isn't about getting everything you've always wanted.
Sometimes, life really doesn't work out like all you had hoped for, all you had wished for, and all you had wanted.
Sometimes, life isn't exactly about the reputation, fame, name or whatsoever.
Sometimes, life doesn't have to filled with heck loads of money.
Sometimes, life isn't just about living the dream and firing ahead with all that passion.
Sometimes, life isn't about conforming to everyones expectations of you and society's rules.
Sometimes, life isn't about being realistic.
Sometimes, life isn't just all about fun.
Sometimes, life isn't also all about negativeness. Neither positiveness.
It's just, anytime, anywhere, any place, any situation, any people. People are DIFFERENT. No ones ever the same. I'm just tired of people going around splashing out their opinions and forcing them on others, or acting like they know it all. This is NOT targeted at anyone I know. It's just because there are quite a lot of people in the world who are like that. actually, just ignore the previous.
my head was throbbing so much(it still is) and i was overly emo :/
okay la, seriously, i AM happy with what i got.
just that it's probably not good enough to get it yet, IDK...but i'll try.

i'll try.
'cause i think its actually time to step up the game, probably push myself beyond what i can do; sometimes, "you have to be who you are not in order to discover yourself." While it lasted, yes, undeniably I was ecstatic.
While it lasted, I felt like I could jump over the moon.
And while it lasted, yes, it was a beautiful dream, a perfect moment.

But I learnt that maybe even happiness comes with a price. You know the feeling, when you've done your best, you've got the best, but there was another option, called possibly better. Just a little more. The feeling when you actually did your best, but you were just short of a little more, just a little more. Honestly, I'm really confused, I'm really torn apart, I dont know what to do with the future. Nothing seems right now. And I know, a part of me is yelling at me to shut up cause this is actually much more than what I had wanted, that I should just be happy, smiling and contented. I know. Doing pretty well and yet bawling is just stupid. But if you're not me, you won't know how I'm dying inside. The other part of me is well, confused and sometimes I would just rather rewind back and go through everything again. At least I didn't have to face this then. At least those times were stressfully-happier.
To take a giant step forward with so many uncertainties, and inevitably something that I will need to give up, risking that I'll fall behind and can't breathe, yet bask in the so-called name and prestige and possibly, that I'll actually succeed aka a small fish in a big pond OR actually take a comfortable step, keep in pace with everything but the chances are now slimed. I don't want to call this a big fish in a small pond cause it ain't that small, lets just say it's a medium fish in a medium pond.
Sometimes I actually wished that I fell back a little and didn't do so well because then, I wouldn't even have such a dilemma. (which reminds me omg, psle selection was nowhere near this).
At the end of the day, it's like your best is just not enough. And if I do take that step, this may well just become my everyday life. Sad but heck, I think I need to challenge something and grow up. Okay, here comes the one-night-before-jitters(as well as rantings)

Honestly. I dreamt of a 6. That was before it all started. But as it went on, my confidence just went down, down...okay maybe not, let's just say it fluctuated.
So now here's the time to come back to this number after all the pain, joy, innocence for the past weeks.
Because its not like after tomorrow, you can pretend like you don't know it at all.
Face it. Its tomorrow; and this is everything I want to say, right before it comes, right before I forget this feeling.

Now, 6 is just a dream. I'm not being pessimistic or what. It's more like facing up to reality. Beautiful number, beautiful dream; it was beautiful while it lasted. To be really honest, I don't want to expect too much. I'm going for a 8.
Okay seriously honest here. If I'm really lucky -> 7 -> I'll go mad with joy, not kidding. If everything goes smoothly as expected -> 8 -> I'll probably just be relieved, but a little of those regrets( YOU KNOW ME -.-) minor hiccup -> 9+ -> I'll cry seriously.
Let's just say...rewind. Chinese I was like, slack to max.( which reminds me. HCL ain't gonna be good. ILL JUST BE HAPPY WITH B) and then okay...honestly I wanted a A1. The feeling when everyone around you is celebrating and you're there crushed, alone; hurts. It was painful. It probably IS still painful. I don't want that ever again. I did try to push myself with this; IDK if it worked. We'll see tomorrow.
And another thing i wanna say is, tmr is probably the last time I'm wearing the sch U as a real crescentian. It's that last time to feel that feeling. 'cause even if I wear it afterwards(like to JC) I know it'll feel TOTALLY different. Crescent was an awesome place, it still is. It wasn't actually where I was "meant" to be, but I never ever regretted it. It's a place with superb beautiful memories no matter what. So really I'm sad to leave, to be truthful I'm apprehensive about JC D: So tomorrow, that last chance, that last feeling.

Maybe I'm just deceiving myself, but I didn't want to expect so much. I didn't want to get my hopes so high up. i didn't want to believe that that dream was maybe, just possible. I didn't want to do so, because I'm afraid. I'm afraid the fall will hurt, hurt so, so much. I just don't want to be disappointed again.
. !

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Fiction
Tell me why
Hopes and dreams; clashes and uncertainties
Too much to handle
I would.
It&apos;s still not the same.
ain't all it seems
On the outside that is.
Someone tell my heart
Overzealous